Time to buckle down...

I've been working out 6 days a week for just over 2 weeks now.. I'm not losing any weight... But I know it's because I haven't been eating right... Now that I've started on the right foot exercise wise, I'm going to make more of an effort to keep the calorie count way low... It's been really hard to eat right, let alone count calories because I've been eating out more than I've been eating at home.. Staying in the 190s is not acceptable. My focus right now is to be in the 180s before I move to Redondo... My boss is being an ass. First he tells me that I won't have to do anything but fill out a transfer paper... Then last week he tells me I need to either go down there or call all of the stores and see if there are any openings... So I called some stores yesterday on my break and one of the manager told me to fax him my transfer paper and he'd give it to the district manager and make sure all the stores got it... Ugh.. then my boss is like.. "If I were you I'd call in every day. You have to drive this one. It's up to you".. and all the while hes talking to me as if I'm a child or some really bad slacker/procastinator.. It pisses me off. I'm so over him.. He needs to hurry up and leave.

Anyway.. I'm going to the gym to work out with my coworker and her bf.. here goes nothing

What's wrong with this picture?

So I just found out that my best friend in high school is engaged to her guy best friend in high school. She's fatter than me and some how she's getting everything she wants. She was in band in high school and I guess she's always been pretty popular.. But damn. What the hells wrong with me? I'm fat, but I can make it look decent. Is it my glasses? Do I look like a nerd or something? Fuck. I'm so tired of being fat. I didn't realize that on top of that I was ugly too? That's it. I'm going to live at the gym. I'm not going to have anything at work. I'm going to stick with no food after 7. No soda. No ice cream. Just water. 500 calories a day. No more weed. No more social life until I start losing weight. What's the point in satisfying food and drink cravings if you're fat? I guess that's why you'd be fat. I'm so fucking tired of feeling left behind; forced to watch my friends live my dreams. I'm sorry that this post is full of ranting and venting. Here's my new workout plan: cardio every day, arms monday and tuesday, abs/back wednesday and thursday, legs/butt friday and saturday; if I go on sunday it will just be cardio. Plus I want to go to hawaii in the summer, so my goal is to at least be in the 140s if not less... We'll see how far down I can get by then.. Here goes nothing.

I have some questions for my readers...

1. what are your favorite workouts?

2. what are your favorite songs to listen to when you workout?

3. what are the most effective workouts for fat loss?

4. what are the most effective workouts to tone: arms, legs, abs, butt?

5. how long do you normally workout/do different exercises?

I read a lot on the internet, but I want to hear what you guys do at the gym and what seem to be the most effective workouts...

Yikes...

192.0 T.T Complete sadness... Well cardio is tonight... No food after 7... Just water and protein shakes after 7... I'll try and post after my workout...

GYM!

Yay it was upper arms today... Tomorrow is cardio... Total intake- 1120... Its good.. not great... but I did say I was allowing myself 1500... Didn't weigh in... maybe tomorrow? maybe next monday? who knows.... Well till next time lovelies

Hallelujia!

I got my gym membership activated today! I'm going to do 3 days of strenght training and 2 days of cardio... Maybe alternate that... Maybe just try and go every day and make every other day strength training and every other day cardio... I'm counting my calories big time... My BMR is 1697.7 so I'm not going to consume more than 1500 calories a day... I can't remember the last time I weighed myself, but I know it can't be good... I don't really know what else to say right now, but I will be posting more often...

I don't know

what's wrong with me anymore... I'm so fucking fat and I can't get out of the funk that I'm in... I just don't know what to do... How do I get motivated again? I read your blogs and look at thinspo and everything under the sun that should be getting me motivated, but nothing seems to work... I can't be fat anymore. I need to be the good kind of head turner, the skinny kind. FUCK. I'm sorry for you new followers... I wish I could be better thinspo or have a better post.... I'm not just fat... I'm the fattest kind of fat... It would be totally different if I was 40lbs lighter... Then I'd still be fat, but not as fat... You know? Encouragement please... Advice too please... 

Alrighty then...

I love new starts... I've been screwing up left and right because I'm on the rag and I don't feel like paying attention right now... I don't want to weigh myself because I know that it's not going to be fully accurate with all the bloating...... I crave chocolate like crazy, but chocolate's been making me sick lately... I'm glad... I still haven't been eating "right"... Like I said, I haven't felt like paying attention... So I want a new start and I'm going to take it... I'm completely broke because I've spent the last of my money on junk food and diet pills and chocolate and protien powder... It's a random list of things, but I'm not surprised... My cravings are overwhelming when I'm on... Ugh... But I'm past the worst of it... So... Don't give up on me yet because I really need the support... Right now I just want to drink water... Maybe have a chocolate to keep me from binging... Which is better? Exercising in the morning, at night, or both? Which is most effective? I can't stop thinking about food and exercise, but I love it.. I just need to get off my ass and get motivated so that all the money I spent on my "skinny" clothes doesn't go to waste... So yeah.. Motivation... Advice... Both are very much needed please

I haven't weighed myself in days... I'm afraid to.. I feel like I've been on some week long bing... I'm probably back at my starting weight.. I'm going to fast again... I'm not going to eat until I get into the 170s... I'll weigh myself tomorrow... I've only been up 20 minutes and I've already binged on kettle corn... I'm so fucking disgusting... That kettle corn is the last thing I'm going to taste in a long time... Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why don't I have any control?

Wow...

How exciting! I can't believe 9 people are following me... Thank you so much... If I'm not already following your blog, let me know so I can check it out...

Anyway... I bought some thinspiring clothes... I'm currently at size 14/16... My first goal is 11/13, then 7/9, then 3/5... And finally 0, but I don't think I've ever been a 0 so I'm going to wait till I get to that size before I buy anything...

Time to start hiding away in my room again... I went grocery shopping today... Got $40 worth of healthy food so if I do binge it won't be as bad... I'll keep you guys posted...

Ugh...

I hate being broke and tired... I wanted to buy some food yesterday... Good and healthy food... But I've overdrawn my credit card... So my spare money that I was going to use went to my bill.. Oh well.. At least I'm getting paid on Friday

I'm so jealous of all you skinny girls... That's helping keep me motivated... I need to get out of these 180s... Maybe then I won't feel like such a giant beast compared to you lovelies... I'll get there eventually... I'm just so over this waiting and scale whoring....

I know I said I wasn't going to set a date for me to be 180... But... I feel like I have to have something to look forward to.. I'm a numbers girl.. So I want to be 180 by Sunday... So... Strict restricting... Constant exercise... Yeah... I have 4.6lbs to lose in about 4.5 days... I can do it! I'm going to try the ABC diet... Should lose 20lbs.. I'm going to make sure that I find some vitamins and lean proteins (vegetarian friendly) to try and counteract the lack of calories... I wish I would have thought of using this diet sooner... I've already spent my calories for today.. I have about 6 left.. It's probably a good thing though..

I need to be 180.. I have to be 180.

So today I was craving my little soy pumpkin spice cream... That part was no biggy.. I drank it.. It was delicious... But then I get to craving my cheese bagel.. Toasted.. with butter... It was yum and I made sure my parents saw me eat it... So tomorrow is going to be a zero cal day for me.. I have a short easy shift so I won't have to be tempted too long... But yeah.. I'm not setting a date for me to be 180.. I'm just focusing on getting there... I have to buy some food so that I don't binge on pure shit... fruits and veggies and whatnot.. I'll probably visit Trader Joe's tomorrow.. But.. I have got to drop some weight ASAP.. my former best friend from hs is coming home for the holiday.. yeah.. needless to say.. I know she's got to be pushing 200 if not past it... So I have to be as thin as possible before I possibly see her... Ugh.. I'm so tired of being fat

Advice please...

So I'd like to know from real people some fasting facts... Like what's the minimum number of days I should go? What's the max?... I have a lot of fat so I could probably go a long time... Also how often can I do it? I've read a lot online, but I want to hear from you guys...

Idk what to say...

I haven't been posting the past couple days.. It's been a bad weekend full of binging.. Luckily, I've been staying at 185.. Just bouncing between the ounces... I'm still debating on whether or not to keep eating and just stick to salads and whatnot or just restart my fast.. I'm leaning more toward the fast because I love feeling empty like that... I have my friends baby shower today so I'll decide if I want to eat there when I get there... But... I need to figure out how to get away with not eating at home... My parents are noticing that they haven't seen me eat here... I don't want to waste money on food that's just going to expire from me not eating.. Any suggestions?

:33

I'm so proud of myself.. And at the same time I'm so disappointed.. I walked/jogged a mile this morning and again just now... But my damn sweet tooth came out with a vengeance during work... Damn smoothies... So I'm 50/50 about weighing in tomorrow.. Now the question is: Should I weigh myself before or after I go walking/jogging? Maybe I'll just have to do it before and after.. I hope I've lost something.. even .1 lb is better than nothing... Oh well, we'll see... Till next time, lovelies

My Animals

Here's my Lucky boy :).. He's almost 2 and he's deaf

Here's Sadie! She just turned 3... In case you don't know your breeds, she's a boxer :D

This is my lil Angel... She's 3 as well

Idk why, but I love this pic of me and Sadie

*good sigh*

I finally knocked out!... Almost slept 8 hours. As soon as I woke up I peed and weighed myself... Finally got rid of that damn binge weight from a few days ago.. As soon as I got done with that I did 30 sit-ups and 30 leg-ups.. Burn belly fat, BURN! I'm going to take my dog for another walk tomorrow morning.. Maybe even talk both of them... My dalmation almost dislocated my wrist this morning (or so it seemed haha)... So now I'm chugging my ice cold water and watching family guy haha.. Till next time lovelies

Which one do you think looks worse?

Me trying to drag my fat ass up the hills in my neighborhood? Or my 80lb dalmation dragging my fat ass up the hills in my neighborhood? I say the first one because at least I had my cute dogs distracting from my ugly jiggling... So yeah... even though I haven't slept in 24 hours, I'm still awake.. and as soon as I got home from I grabbed my dogs and took them for a walk.. I'm so proud of my self.. I took the long way and everything.. So I was dragged up and down hills for a whole mile... I need to find some more exercises though.. This doesnt feel like enough.. On the even brighter side, I didn't eat at work! AYAYAAYAYAAYA! Translation: Way to go me!... Now hopefully my scales will tell me what I want to see

Is it crazy??

To make it a goal to lose .5lbs every day? It's not really concrete.. I'm just trying to figure out exactly when I want to try and reach my UGW of 100 lbs... Of course I'll change it as I go.. I just like to look at numbers and whatnot to put things into perspective... For now that's what I'm going to try and do.. I'm not looking forward to finding my plateau weight.. But I know I've got at least a good 20 lbs before that'll happen.. Hopefully...

...

I fell like I'm posting every 15 minutes or so haha... It's helping me stay on track, so I'll probably stick with it... I've done 100 jumping jacks (might do more) today, and have consumed nothing but water and tea.. I can't wait to weigh in tomorrow... I picked up a last minute shift for tomorrow.. hiphiphoorray... My boss has drastically cut my hours for some reason so I need all the hours I can get.. This last paycheck was exactly $100 less than the one 2 weeks ago... I can't afford that kind of decrease! Anyway..  That's  out of my control; just like everything else in my life... At least I can control my body and what goes into it and how fat I am.. So that's my focus.. As I mentioned in my last post, I am on Day 2 of my "diet". So far so good

Today is a New Day

So I lost 1lb since yesterday's weigh in.. Not as good as I had hoped, but it was as I expected (I had some vanilla and chocolate soy milk to tone down some hunger pains before bed :(...) ... Today's going to be better because I'll be in Hollywood too distracted to even think about food or negatively focus on whatever hunger pains I might have.. It is day 3 of my fast after all... Plus I'll be with friends so that and the excitement of possibly getting Robert Downey Jr.'s autograph/photo will get me through today... Strictly water, but I've even gotta take it easy on that much because I don't want to have to pee too much today (if I leave my spot on the sidewalk, even for 2 seconds, someone will snatch it up).. Another plus is that if my friends do realize that I'm not eating today I can either say: I had a big breakfast... Breakfast isn't really agreeing with me.. I'm still vegetarian so why would I want a grilled cheese at in-n-out while youre eating double doubles and animal style fries?... I'll eat when I get home; it's cheaper that way.... I'm sure I'll be able to think of more if those aren't enough, but I'm too fat for them to feel like they need to worry.. To them, it's only 1 day

Mmmmm

Gum is my new best friend.. I was feeling a little hungry.. Starting to think "One grape won't hurt".. Then I decided to try chewing a piece of gum.. No more hungry.. YAY GUM